Our children becomes our peers and siblings when they become adults married and living on their own. They relate to us as bros and sis even before they leave home if we build the right foundation during their infancy. They are the most reliable friends a man can have. I recall my father requesting my mum to serve lunch and dinner for the 2 of us anytime I visited. I was a Second Lieutenant by then. My father was strict but he broke that barrier and invited me to sit with him at the table to eat and talk like peers.
I recall a very senior army officer advising us to spend more time with our children. I was a Major serving at the then Northen Command in Kimasi. We were gathered at the 4 Garrison Officer's Mess when the retired senior officer who was on duty tour with his new organisation walked in. Facts have it that he was the best of the best what we call 'guru' in our parlance as Officer's of the elite Ghana Armed Forces. He gets to work by 0700hrs/7am closes way after 1800hrs/6pm. He then proceeds to attend to his social networks. The story has it that immediately he gets home he withdraws to his room alone meditating till he leaves the next morning. No interaction with his children. So, we were not surprised he was advising us. Apparently he wanted to spend time with his children after retiring from active work but that could not work as he had no friendship with them. Teens especially turn to relate more with their friends than with Dad and Mum so if you fail to build that relationship of friendship before and during their teens you are in for a big surprise. Some men have been neglected by their children. Mummy have always had that warmth in their heart.
The most important part of any healthy friendship or relationship is the ability to talk and listen to one another. Talking and listening helps people to: Share their common interests and feelings. Your children needs you when you are young and they will reciprocate this gesture when you are old.
Besides having scheduled time with your children, if you are to develop a meaningful friendship you need to be available to them during unscheduled times as well: Treat your children as individuals with minds of their own. Talk with them about their thoughts, hopes, ideas, and feelings.
Ritchie's Virtual Church
