Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:14-15
How are you doing with your emotions when you think about your spouse and the life they are living right now. Do you get upset when you think about your spouse and the other person? Maybe you have not had to deal with another person, but how are you dealing with your emotions when your spouse does not see your children regularly or cancels the children's night out? I can remember when Bob was gone, my mind worked overtime in imagining what he was doing. I would get so upset, angry and then jealous. What are you angry about right now?
And to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness… “In your anger do not sin." Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold…Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:24, 26, 29
People will often ask me how I controlled my tongue and emotions. Was I perfect? I knew instantly that they had not heard about the beginning of my stand. Let me share an event that comes to my memory around every Mother’s Day. If you know this story, please read it again, so you will not make a similar, foolish, very wrong reaction to your husband’s behavior.
Bob’s parents lived on the next block from us. They could look out the kitchen window and see their grandchildren playing in our front yard. I had just started praying for marriage restoration two months before. On that Mother’s Day weekend, Bob and the other person took a gift to Bob’s mom. Bob called and told me he was at his parent’s home and he asked me to send the children down to the house. I was so angry and hurt that I called him back and threatened him. After they left, I then chased them in my car all around Broward County for at least two hours, trying to find them. Watch out – beware of your emotions! The enemy loves to push our buttons.
After I returned home from losing my self-control, the Lord brought to my remembrance all that I had said and done that afternoon. I knew that I had made a fool of myself and made a huge mistake. First, I hurt my mother-in-law on her special day. I had lost control of my emotions and common sense. I could have had an accident or been arrested. I could have lost custody of my children. I knew the Lord had truly protected me and that was the beginning of me going on a spiritual journey with the Lord. I had a lot of apologizing to do. Then I repented to the Lord and asked Him to forgive me and give me another chance. From that day forward I chose to live a Christ-like life regardless of my circumstances.
Have you done something you wish you could erase from your past? I truly understand. What you need to do first is repent and have a private talk with the Lord. Then pray daily for God's wisdom, His knowledge, His discernment and His understanding on how to deal with the many different issues that come your way due to your marriage problems or divorce. Let me share two powerful scriptures that will help you. Let the words sink into the depths of your heart.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32
Examine your heart today. Are you walking in humility, being considerate in all things, showing mercy, being a peacemaker? Or, are you upset, angry, jealous and harboring bitter envy over your situation?
God knows your heart. I pray tonight you will talk with the Lord, confessing your pain, your struggles, and your feelings. Allow Him to touch and remove all that junk from your life. The Lord did it for me, and He can do it for you. Oh, yes, you may be tested or have something happen suddenly, and your emotions may rise, but call on the Holy Spirit to calm your spirit as He gives you His divine wisdom, discernment, and instructions for how to deal with each problem as they happen.
I know that your desire is seeking reconciliation and restoration of your marriage. I believe if you read and study the scripture in James, Chapter 3, the Holy Spirit will reveal to you what you need to do about your tongue and behavior.
Ask the Lord to change your reactions. He is in the heart-changing business, and He wants to start working on you first!
God bless,